#though i'd prefer to be alive to refute shit | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

probablyaseamonster · 6 months ago

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My paranoid ass, thinking I'm gonna get murdered at any time any time I go outside but even sometimes within the house, getting back into TMA because "nooo, it won't affect me" *pointedly doesn't listen to s1 episode 3 on rebinges*

Goes to the bathroom at 1 AM (the night is the only time I'm actively safe that's my excuse), housemate left the window open (not such an issue now that it's spring), *fucking distorted noise that seems logically to be emanating from a car but is NOT A FUCKING CAR SOUND IN ANY SETTING and also sounds stupidly fictional like a common SFX to boot*

"Ah, so this is when I get killed. They gonna frame this as a suicide aren't they. And goddamnit my hair is doing the anime mom thing I explicitly do Not want to be the fridged trope but I guess my protests were always ignored. I wonder if I have time to write up a will or if they're coming any second"

And being CHILL about that shit-?

#my list of conditions ig since i'm here #yolo slash horrifying and all #is eugenics-based paranoia a thing?#cause i've always lived in a safe neighborhood this is my first experience with feeling explicitly Unsafe so bear with me #“first time?” *that one Incredibles mf meme* actually yes! precisely #i don't need to be told i'm priviledged alright try that and i'm adding you to the hive #not in a cool way sorry #as a hive aesthetic superfan #i live with monsters #and not the misunderstood kind #although i've been told to expect otherwise #anyways here's the list #1 tell my story #1.5 tell my stories #i have a list of passwords for this purpose #... maybe i should give up the password to the doc site in the first place lmao #i just want people to read what I wrote #like all those writers of old who were lonely as alive but remembered in death #though i'd prefer to be alive to refute shit #by destiny sometimes seems to be rolling in her grave #while people misinterpret my writing and words #and vengeful ghosts don't exist otherwise the fucker behind old navy would be murdered #but like justified about it #i won't be erased #if i have anything to say about it #and people listen for once #and don't play google search with my words #as in take out the important context of previous statemtns #and assume i'm ageist or ableist or a fetishist or like children Too Much because I'm describing my infantilization trauma haaaaaa #i think i might add onto this when the ideas come back to me

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